I can’t help but think of that James Blunt song after giving my post that title! Ha! Now it’s in your head, and you’re welcome! That song drives me insane and I really can’t stand it, however it’s perfect for what I am writing about today.
Just a caveat before you read this (like that word usage? I was proud of myself!). Lol! Anyway, I am not fishing for compliments nor am I looking for attention, I am just telling you about what I deal with and I know many other women and maybe guys deal with it as well.
So, your girl SERIOUSLY struggles with body image. I hate it. My mind is so warped in thinking that I need to be a certain size in order to feel good about myself. I will look at myself in the mirror and just cringe at the way I look. How awful is that? It drives me CRAZY!! I don’t want to be this way! I’ve let this become more of an issue the past few years than I ever have before. I know I’m a woman and we are so critical of ourselves anyway, but I am so fixated on certain parts of my body and I stress about it WAY more than I should. My friends and family know that I am more critical on myself than I should be too. I do my best to keep my mouth shut and just vent to Jesus. Praise the Lord that He doesn’t care because He get’s an earful from me ALL the time!!
When I turned 30, I’m pretty sure that my metabolism literally stopped. Don’t get me wrong, I have never been one of those “size 2” chicks. I don’t really have any desire to be, but I have never had that small frame. I am an athlete and I have that thicker build, always have. However, of course I have that ideal body type in my mind of what I want to be. Anyway, I love to workout. I actually really enjoy it! It calms me and makes me feel good. Of course there are different variations of workouts! For example, training and running for my half marathon was pure TORTURE! Awful!! Never again! Checked it off the bucket list and I’m out on long distance running FOR-EV-ER (cue “The Sandlot”)! Not even sure that running that dang thing was actually on my bucket list, but I checked it off nonetheless. Ha! I do enjoy going to the gym though and other extracurricular activities such as sports. Having said all of that, I should also mention that I love to eat as well! This is where the phrase “the struggle is real” comes into effect! And when I say I love to eat, I mean everything! I love healthy things, yes! But I love everything that is bad for you too! I will attempt dieting or watching what I eat and I may lose a few lbs or so, and I start feeling pretty good about myself. At that point, I go back to eating whatever I want because I was feeling good about losing a few pounds. I gain back what few lbs I lost and probably a few extra on top of that. Ugh! Seriously, this is the vicious cycle that I go through constantly!! It’s beyond frustrating! I know that I am not alone in this either! And it’s nothing but a mind game. This is one game that I really stink at playing!!!
No, I do not think that I am fat! But I am at a point where I do not like to look at myself in the mirror and that is not ok. I also have that thought in my head that if I were smaller and had that “perfect body”, then maybe I wouldn’t be single. That is a lie straight from the pit of hell!! I’m still single because, for some reason or another, God hasn’t introduced me to my man yet. But that’s a post for another day! 😉 This way that I am seeing myself is nothing but Satan! He is one evil dude. Anything he can do to make me or you think badly of ourselves, he will gladly do it. He does not like us. He wants you to feel bad about yourself and make you feel like a loser. Ugh! Little turd! Makes me mad!!! As it should! I have allowed Satan to have a foothold in this area of my life for way too long. And do you know what Ephesians 4:27 says? “Do not give Satan a foothold.” The complete opposite of what I am doing!!! Come on Mae!!
Letting this go and shaking the devil off of my feet is SO much easier said than done, as with any foothold he has on our lives. Since this is an everyday battle for me, it is that much harder. This is not something that will just go away because it is a weakness for me and that is where Satan prowls, in our weaknesses. BUT, I have a God whose POWER is made PERFECT in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9)!! It goes on to say that we should boast in our weaknesses because when we are weak then we are strong. Praise GOD!!! I need a powerful God when I am weak! Holy smokes, do I need Him!! Being a daily struggle, I need to come ready to fight EVERYDAY!! I need to be prepared for any and every attack that Satan will throw at me, because they WILL come! The only way to shake those footholds and shield ourselves from those attacks is to get in God’s Word and to PRAY!! The more we do those things, the less power Satan has. Get behind me Satan, you ARE NOT welcome here!!
Now, like I said, I did not write this for attention. This is my blog and the point of it is to relate to people and show you some pieces of myself that very few people in my life get to see. Everyone has their struggles and you’ll find that most will hide behind them because everyone wants everyone to think that their life is a bed of roses. And that is not always the case. Yes, I love my life and for the most part, I am a “what you see is what you get” kind of girl. I usually always have a smile on my face and I do not hide it well when I don’t feel well or if I am in a bad mood. So you pretty much know when I am not myself. Those close to me call me out ALL of the time! Ha! It kills me because I think I am doing a good job hiding it, but not so much! That is what they are there for though, and man I am so blessed to have my AMAZING friends and family by my side!! Lord, thank you!
This post will not surprise those friends and family members. They know this about me, because I obviously share these kind of things with them. But I want this post to be of some kind of encouragement to someone knowing that everyone struggles with something. Heck no, this is NOT the only thing I struggle with! Ha! That would be almost laughable! As these posts continue, you will get to see more of Mae and what she struggles with. You won’t get full details…because…well, some things have to stay sacred. Anyway, yes, Pamela Magan Weeks struggles with her weight and she doesn’t like what she see’s in the mirror. AND she eats what she wants anyway, because who want’s to give up all that goodness?! But I am going to work on loving myself the way I am!!! Because…you know what, I am healthy, I can still play ball (every chance I get), and my God thinks that I am BEAUTIFUL, flaws and all!! He thinks you are too!!
Sing it with me (in that voice of his too)…
You’re beautiful…You’re beautiful…You’re beautiful, IT’S TRUE!!!
And since that will be in your head for the rest of the day, my work here is done! 😉 Love you all!
God remind each and EVERY person reading this (and ME) that they are precious in Your sight and that you love them past any flaw that they see in themselves! In Jesus name…Amen!